Thursday, June 17, 2010

Life {God} Turning My World Upside Down

Do I have a million things to do today?  Yes.
Do I desperately want to go lounge on the floor with my loves and sprawl out with a stack of books? Yes.
Do I have a big messy living room to clean up? Yes.

But that's life.  It happens, in abundance around here.  There will always be a mess, there will always be fun to be had, there will always be a list of things to do.

However, if I don't write this out, it will be plaguing my brain and messing with my brain and patience the rest of the day. 

Six months ago, I was going about life.  Normal, every-day life.  And loving it.  I had my routine, I was living in my bubble, comfy, cozy bubble.  I was momming.  I was wifeing.  Then a figurative giant tack popped my bubble and left me flailing.  For a while now, my church has been supporting a chuch in El Salvador in a town that has been hit hard several times by hurricanes, mud slides and flooding.  And in January, the missions director announced that there would be a trip coming up in July and if anyone was interested in going and serving, let him know.  POP!  I knew in that very moment that I was to go.  You may doubt God speaking out loud to people, but I am not a crazy person, I do not hallucinate, I am not on any medications that would possibly mess with my mind.  I was told to go.  And so I signed up.  I was in the midst of parenting, caring for my husband, being in college, taking my daughters to dance etc. etc. etc. I started going to all of the meetings and doing all of the paperwork, shots, passports necessary to leave the country.  I have followed all of the steps outlined for me.  It was easy.  Everything went perfectly.  With a significant degree of surrealism.

Then the trip got moved for me from July to June.   Leaving the day of my three daughters' very first ballet recital.... This may not seem like a big deal, but my children take up almost every thought in my day.  They hold the strings to my heart, my sanity, my world.  My life is devoted to them.  So to miss a week in their lives and the FIRST time they will dance on a stage....hurts.  But I will obey clearly spoken commands from God.  When Jesus called his disciples, they got up and left, they didn't wait until after ballet recitals.  They went and followed Jesus down his road and went on the greatest adventure of their lives.  I have been thinking all along that I was going to go and serve and do whatever is asked of me.  And I will.  But I keep hearing the same thing from seasoned missionaries, "You will never be the same.  The people will change you.  God will change you."  And while my heart is still hurting over turning my kids over into others' hands, I am thrilled that I get to do this.  I cannot wait to have my world rocked.  I cannot wait to leave my bubble and most especially, to obey.  Who am I to tell God no?  Seriously picture me standing if front of God, him saying, "Mari, I would really like you to go and serve."  and me responding with, "Sorry God, I've got a ballet recital to go to....sooo....I'm not gonna' be able to do this time... check my calendar next time."  I laugh when I imagine it.  Its ridiculous.  Jesus was beaten and pinned to a cross for me, and I'm putting up a fuss about one dance??  So in two days I will go and obey.  And love it.  And tonight?  Tonight I get to revel in the brilliant talent of my beautiful daughters at their dress rehearsal, while pretending that its Saturday and I'm at the real show, and be prouder than any Mom who has ever entered the theatre before tonight.

I'm going with my church, Church of the Open Door, Open Door, Open Door, Open Door {just messing with a friend and his red flag}  :)

So next time I post it will be a new story.  From my new world.  With pictures.  It will be pictures from El Salvador interspersed with pictures from my costumed daughters twirling on stage, as my two new worlds collide.


  1. wonderful post!! i've heard from God before and so i can vouch for the power that comes with it.

    i'm excited and inspired by what you're doing and think it is awesome that you are choosing to change your perspective (about the recital) so that you can still feel joy over your trip.

  2. Mari, you already know this, but I love love LOVE your heart. It's soft and tender for your family, and yet sensitive to other's needs. I can't WAIT to see what God teaches you on this trip!!!!!!!! Seriously, can't wait!!

  3. Hoping it was amazing and you learned a ton! I also love your tender heart. :)